and it would stay that way...

if i could shake this pain from past events.

never been hurt this bad before.

bah.

life!

Its looking up. The inevitable change is begining, and looking to be positive.

could this be it?

the chance ive been waiting for, the opportunity of a lifetime- another phase in life...


two issues- am i ready? is this really it?

woohoo!

a tropical storm is on its way! im very excited.

reflections: how can i achieve my goals? how can i possibly put enough focus on my education to not fuck up?

unfortunately, i work too much, and have too much going on in my life. i took yesterday out just to relax and have fun. jay, tex and i went to salty dog friday night, then yesterday jay and i went shooting and played a drinking game to futurama. here's what i know:

each dvd has 4-5 episodes.
i remember 3 episodes.
we went through 2 dvds.

good times. anyhoo, i'm embarking on a home based business idea, and im really hoping it goes well. id like to minimize my hours at work to on call/installs, and focus more on school. the way i see it, if im working more than 20 hours, school becomes a bitch and fairly impossible.

now, if i can get myself to 20 or less, i'm money. i NEED to finish 2 semesters of full time class. why, you ask? good question. the EASIEST time to transfer into UF is summer a, which is exactly one year minus 4 weeks from now. i need to acquire 30 credits at a 3.5+ gpa. Currently, I have a 2.15 (SHITTY). I need a 2.5 to get into UF, and a 3.5 in my political science pre-reqs to get admitted.

so much work ahead. will it work out? we'll see. as soon as i get my living arrangement settled, i'll be working my ass off on my home biz and applying for scholarships/grants. i dont expect to get any (especially with my GPA!), but ill try.

the busy life continues.

sigh

Welp, its the end of the chapter for truckiroku. He'll be gone tomorrow afternoon, and most likely replaced with an 06 Jetta. I'm excited for the change, and I know I'll miss my truck... but I think theres something more then just this surface change- aside from the sale of my motorcycle last week and the HUGE change that makes in my lifestyle.

-WARNING-
im about to overanalyze

So. Change.

if theres one thing ive picked up thus far, its the fact that change is constant. no matter what i want to hold onto- change is going to happen... its inevitable. my goals change, my desires change. relationships change. residences change. friends change.

ive had this topic on my mind for quite a while, and thinking of how much change has happened within my life- some good, some bad. certian changes even for the better that sting like nothing else. ive experienced quite a bit- a lot of moving, a change of life direction, new friends found, old friends departed, and most obviously- relationships ended. sometimes that last one gets me down a bit and sometimes i get downright depressed over it.

i dont know if thats because i feel stupid for the wasted time, or if its just something ill never stop missing. it was a good point in life, until the underlying truth came out.

enough of that, thats not my point.

the most interesting part of this change is reflecting on how it happened. my most vivid memory of change, i relived in my mind last night. i went to walmart with jay, and thought... this was the first place i came to when steph moved up here- at the time, i didnt know id eventually live in gainesville. as a matter of fact, i hated gainesville, and wanted nothing to do with it.

i wouldnt say i grew to love gainesville. id say... 2-3 days completely changed my mind- another change.

this change brought to mind another inevitible change. friends. my friends in tampa, aside from a few, are no longer existant to me. my friends up here, while not as numerous, are the best friends ive ever had. dare i say, on the ride back in jays car from walmart i got to thinking... we're all in this town temporarily. i'll be moving to NH, jay will move on to elsewhere, ramy the same, as will tex. kinda creepy to know some things are definitly finite. one person i know ill continue to be in contact with is neal, as im pretty sure were stuck together- wether either likes it or not... which makes me chuckle. at least ive got a very good friend to enter into NH with.

and as for friends and finite time in gville, some will be left behind... heather, sav, davian, david, mostly the IMV/Intmo crew- a group im not so close with, but are a great group of people, and i have a feeling will continue to be friends.

one last change to mention in my longwinded rant-

for once in my life, im afraid of commitment. i havent gone out actively seeking a female for any sort of relationship, out of my knowledge that my time here is finite. granted, ive got another 3/4 years, but it WILL come to an end eventually.

and one last thought about my topic for the evening-

i never imagined my life would encompass so much change. i figured gville would be more permanant. then again, at one point i figured i was destined for a lifetime in tampa... something which would make me extremely depressed. dont get me wrong, it has its ups... but too many negative points.

with that, im going to finish my pipe, and ponder further on this... and probably wish to write another multiple page entry.

what a life this is...